currently

1.8.17

2:30am

the wind is full, but soft

like a parka sleeve smooshed up against the car window.

1.17

“good morning”, he said.

beneath his nose glistened like ice

in the cold sunshine.

shoveling layers

of glitter and crust.

this is how it must feel

to go for a hike through opal.

constant shimmering

movement, sunshine for fuel.

fuel | energy | consumption

_

As I sit near the butterflies, I see dry flakes flutter to the ground.  Sol investigates each one.  A wet nose and the assurance that they all smell the same.  Others drip; those are different.

2.1

seeking help and guidance

a coyote 4 trees ahead

full tail, like a fox

wild Lila

sandstone coat

light tan and grey

full face, wolf-like

running south like the elk.

slower breathing, medicine

I need to pray but don’t know how

tell me what to do

because I want to go home

trickster

spirit

7.

2.8

last night

this morning

circles of light dancing on the beams above me.

wind

so much wind!

I watch a hawk

fly with it.

2.12

wax carving class at Boulder Metalsmithing Association

this is what I wanna dooooooo!

I flow when

I feel a connection

to a person

to a place

to a practice.

I flow in nature,

while creating

for fun

and sometimes

I don’t.

stopped short,

swept away

with the wind

and banter.

12.3

Cold weather's comin' in! A soft blanket of glittering snow's got the mountains like a winter-wonderland. But as we string our lights and sip warm brews, I can't help but think about the water protectors being attacked by water cannons in sub-zero temps at Standing Rock.  

2.15

((source))

I saw writing

pictures

yellow

filled in by hand

a (page) full

fur back-lit by the sunshine

a black cloud

of smoke

dissipating

re-appearing

dissolving.

2.17.17

2.21

talking

on the inside.

from the soul

through the hands

not alone

it all appears so clear

an offering

a prayer

a talisman.

2.22

I’m outside and it’s rather chilly but inside just didn’t feel right.  I thought I’d try a coffee shop, early to my acupuncture appointment. not enough time (time!) to drive to Boulder and back.  A sewing machine, some sunshine, new tools. 1971

tools!

tools are so important.

I wanted to do it all with my hands.  I wanted to feel it all. 

veils thrown over

no more bandaids

take me to the roots

rainbow and covered in light

home.

sunshine on my back

I understand the cave

a balance of day and night

what you seek

resides in the

MIDDLE.

COFFEE SHOP

a pup sits

in the driver’s seat

black ears

white nose

awaiting triangles.

one spot,

left

one barks,

right

.

warm

alive

artificially lit

a gathering space

close-knit voices

I like

crochet

.

2.23.17

I do not know if it was you or me who found this space, the woodland floor, the clearing. maybe it was her – though, I could not say, for certain. (that) nothing is everything.

2.24

snowing

mighty

fluffy

spacious

flakes

blanketing

the forest

in white

deafness over blindness ((plz))

silence.

2.25

glimpses of a

herd through glass

warm + fuzzy feelings

sweepable snow + the snowball trees

as the drum’s beat quickened, I pulled myself out and started.

running along

a trail because

the clearing

also appeared

too close

and easy

to get to.

2.26

experimenting with mediums and medicines

(to get a good fit.)

_

a container, life force

re-create | persevere | dig

3.3

food restrictions

bite

I just want popcorn,

chocolate

beer

icecream

coffee

sugar cane!

mushies!

cereal

can you vape other plants?

something good for you

lavender?

rose hips

syrup

mmmm

I’d like to

MAKE THAT

3.4

the house smells like campfire smoke,

from the earthen basement

wafts the unmistakable scent

of mushrooms.

the wind carries a touch of

almond extract,

typically vanilla.

branching out

into the sunshine,

the clouds dissipate,

giving way to

vibrant BLUE.

3/9

smokable herbs!

MULLEIN | WHITE SAGE | LOBELIA | PEPPERMINT

like smoke

a cosmic snake

grow. shed. release.

the clouds are so rainbowy

around the sun

3.11

the snake

he moves like the water,

flowing through cavernous tunnels.

he has no arms

he hunts

and digests in his

own way

bitten with magic,

shed

+ hug

what’s in your heart.

3.17

can we pick and choose what to remember and what to forget?

and when we forget are they gone for good,

or trapped in another realm

to pick back up again?

3.18

the STARS flicker

swim, and float to the surface

4.1

It’s opened up again.

This soft light is beautiful.

Not necessarily warm

but soft

gentle | bright | calming | dreamy | ethereal

“I think a love seat would open it up more”

woke up happy and laughing

I just found

the blueprints

full circle

to where I’m

supposed to be.

4/3/17

what was your means of expressing yourself?

did you feel at home here? did you feel

spirit’s soft ecstasy, that shiver

when you danced?

were you also

restless?

I’m not sure about past lives, but

I’d like to know you,

about where you come from

and if you know

the old ways. 

4.6.17

I want to curl up inside your

heart,

like a chipmunk.

moss and grass

knitted fibers

a rope to climb.

release

what I have stored

inside.

magical plants

home

2.15.16

<<< grit to build invisible things >>>

3.19.16

A-frame dreams at 8,000 ft

5.5.16

WE'RE MOVING INTO THE MOUNTAINS!!!

5.29.16

The temp just dropped from 82* to 38* on the way back to the cabin from town! Rain turned to slush and marble-sized hail with rolling thunder as I made my way up the canyon. This mountain weather is crazy, it's almost June. but the sun's out now...the peepers, too! This is home, a triangle surrounded by ponderosa.

6.21.16

80* and hazy.  summer is here! went to the river, took too many photos, so beautiful. aspen leaves shuttering against the pale blue hazy sky. remembering and feeling.

an elk just ran down the street! 

6.22.16

note to self: do not paint in june!

literally everything, inside & out, is covered in yellow ponderosa pollen.

A bitch of a time.  I was so annoyed tearing down the tarp for some reason.  Is 8 nails vs. 3 nails really a big deal?  but when you hear the thunder start cracklin’ in the mountains, be thankful for a tarp! and all of Tim’s nails.  

Naps are good, take naps.  Work is good, do work.  Food is good, eat food.  Play is good, let yourself play.  Nature and stillness are good, have both.  inside + out, here + there, me + you, light + dark.  No smokes, no smokes, no smokes.

6.23.16

Day 1, no smokes.

“How do you eat an elephant?”, he asked me.  “One piece at a time.”

Friday

Today I jumped in the river on the way back from the farm. It felt so good! (I went to sleep with images of thistle + beet greens in my eyelids.)

Saturday

I ran to the river this morning – first mountain run at 7,600’ elevation. 1.2mi. Magical ferns and mossy stumps. Lichen, grey + curled.

Sunday

Introvertedly social.

Tim climbed the roof to fix the cap and burn his ass for 4 hours as I belayed. Summer and Estes.

Monday

I just saw one of those “abbot” (Abert) squirrels!  Laying on the deck, doing my PT, I hear all this scratching.  I open my eyes, and there’s this peculiar black squirrel checking out my rock collection in the tree.  The ears had long tufts at the end, together probably measuring 2” tall!  I placed 2 pecans on one of the rocks in hope that it will return.  Magical creature! ~11:30am

>>a shift<<

Wednesday, June 29th

scary thunder!

a new pillow!

bacon on the stove! (with lemon)

Lyons!

all these magical things lined up.

Sunday, July 3rd

The light and the dark and the freedom for both 

(and all the little rainbows in between)

“for those concerned with freedom”

-- the 4th –

I saw my first BEAR on a hike the other day.  A beautiful cinnamon black bear!  I had fallen off my bike, which is somewhat normal, looked up, and there he was across the river.  Up the lush green hillside he climbed, plopped down on this bum, and watched through the leaves ‘ till we went on our way!

(7.6.16)

I had a dream last night that my beef fat had offended someone, somewhere, somehow.

fallen tallow.

>>>7.7<<<

a weekly checklist, a daily checklist

transparency

home

___

hey, I’m thinking about leaving the country – want to come with me? to the stars and planets and blackness all around. whose world would it be? how would you claim your space to float? a galaxy, even! just look above, from there we may see clearly.

7/8

when my wrist acts up, I feel like a butterfly with a broken wing.  to fly, to create. Isn’t this the same?

6.9.16

Anoche soñé con un hombre con un parasol de arco iris, a quién fue atacado por un oso negro y un león -- en un escarpamiento.  (visible desde la huellas mias)

OUT/IN your environment.  his wife wanted him to wear sunglasses.

SUNDAY

So, what do you do? and you? and you? I bake, I make, I dream, I eat.  with all the other things in between.

feelings like beehives. the outer most layer is the easiest to see, the one you can touch, the ever-changing. what wears away to reveal what it holds, it’s “truest” nature. without disguise. do not crumble for them. shed for the snakes that taught you about outgrowing old skin. and how to honor the sunshine + the darkness. never polar, always everything. twists and turns and turns.

7.11

laying on the deck, dong my PT, hummingbirds whistle around my head and rainbow clouds pull apart like cotton candy in the sky.  This morning I helped make over 170 pies at the bakery.  The hummers buzz around like referees and Sol smacks his lips, crouched with big eyes.  Can the hunted also hold power?

Tuesday

I’m so happy, so happy, so happy.

I am not an exclamation point.  A lichened stone softened by the waters, the river.

I think love is not asking the other person to stop doing something that makes them happy so you’ll be happier.

7.28.16

from the soil, to the soul

energy of lands with sickness vs. virgin forest.

wild spaces free to grow at the will of nature, the universe.

Aug 2nd

"But she continually put off writing, partly because she preferred standing to sitting at a desk, and partly because she could not fix the process in her mind clearly enough to make words of it. She stood in the light of the window morning and evening, and read the stony words in the geological handbooks. She stood by the mirror in the bathroom and tried to identify the components of her crust."   A. S. Byatt, A Stone Woman

THURS

Listen to the thunder rolling through the full mountain’s hips. caderas magicales de criaturas ancianas (majestuosas). Beautiful light.

9.18

home. home, home, home

the sky

(the stars!)

the quiet

sol.

(trees that smell like vanilla)

the dry wind swirls the dirt like smoke above the road, leaves turn to gold, sun gives depth to a field of violet aster.

Sept 5

vivid dreams.

a stirring underground,

revolution.

the only true fear is a lack of freedom,

injustice,

death before I can fulfill my purpose.

9.27

I was thinking about earthen dams, connecting clay to clay, how most of the water is held in the ground, the smallest part of the reservoir showing. working with nature, building things, filaments held in glass, a fragile image of security.

10.4 7:47a

a lone turkey makes (her) way across the backyard. two, four, five, maybe 6 more enter from stage left.

“Sweet Bean” Japanese

sad eyes, salty + sweet, invent + create, re-create

talking to the moon, waving to the trees, listening to the canary

Make a difference before you go.

Are the most beautiful people those who have overcome?  

Oct 5

patterns

creating a love galaxy

right brain, always

a guide

like swimming around with your head chopped off

already on the other side.

"inside oooout, outside in."

so, everything with the house is taking, like 10x longer than expected.

wouldn’t trade it.